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Condoms for Connectivity
Safety Tips from a Net Nervous Nerd
last updated August 2007

	This is a primer.  Depending on how you pronounce that [PRIME-er vs. prim-er], you can either think of this as a quick patch-job over rusty thinking, or an elementary text for the internet novice.  Computer savvy tho "we" may be, none of us knows everything about the word-wide-weird.  Moreover, it is your/my very expertise (ack ack) that drags-n-drops us into the role of eternal tech-support providers.  Thus, we all have a friend (or 20) who can benefit from parts of the following.  Hopefully our technically challenged acquaintances will find this article and absorb it before someone anonymously emails it to them with a ultimatum Subject: "Here's a clue!"
	I wrote this not out of anger, but exhaustion. I mean it!  The more tech hand-holding I do, the more astounded I am at how oblivious people are--people I consider techheads.  Such ignorance threatens everyone.  After all, what comes around spreads around unless prophylaxis halts transmission.  There's just too much bad stuff out there to digest in one packet, so this article runs a bit long winded.  Let's start in a panic now and work our way to paranoid hysteria later.

Part One:  Associate SafeSex and SafeSurfing.

	There is a direct parallel between exchanging body fluids and digital tidbits.  Sexually Transmitted Diseases are very comparable to computer infections—dreadfully so.  Play safe to stay in play.  You don't want to get what you wouldn't want to give.  Downloading a file, checking email, inserting a disk are all invasive acts.  Even "looking at" a webpage is accepting it (at least partially) onto your computer.

#1 VIRUS CHECKER:  your compu-condom.  Use one because some things cannot be cured. If you're not constantly running an up-to-date, active, anti-virus package to screen all email and files, you're the problem!  You're the person spreading Melissa, KakWorm, &/or today's cyber-clap attack.  Many of these bugs automatically forward themselves to everyone in your email address book without your knowledge.  Others copy themselves to every disk that's attached to your machine (floppy, hard, CD, virtual…).
     I did not just call you a bad person.  But I accused you of being a good enabler.  You have to take responsibility for your own web well-being.  Avoid hearing the phrase: "I hope you backed-up your data."  It means "Told ya so!"  And if you did back-up, that doesn't mean your backups couldn't cause reinfection because the virus probably made sure it got saved to disk along with your data.
     Just remember, currently there is no perfect anti-virus or firewall.  However, out-of-date protection is a condom full of holes. I update my anti-virus at least weekly. That new virus definitions are added daily should warn you how bad it's gotten out there.

New Computer Owner:	  Should you have a new machine or one you're resuscitating from scratch, after loading the operating system (O.S.) from original manufacturer's disks, next install anti-virus followed by adding a firewall. Thereafter update your virus protection, IN THAT ORDER. (The original anti-virus's shelf-life expired long before you bought it.)  DO NOT update the O.S. until you have current anti-virus definitions protecting you. In the time it takes online downloaded those megabytes of "critical system updates," you're almost certain to be attacked by a worm/Trojan horse/or bug of one sort or another.
	Virus updates only take a few minutes to download. Get them. Get off the net. Install them (if not automatically done). RUN THEM to know they're working properly. Then worry about getting back online to bring your O.S. up to speed.

#2 FIREWALL:  get thee behind one and raise the drawbridge!  Once you install a firewall you'll be astounded how many "hits" you're getting from hackers and URLs hoping to violate your machine.  It's scary!  Moreover, if you leave your computer constantly connected, you're constantly vulnerable. You could be exploited as part of a bot-net.

     NOTE: if your Firewall alerts you to multiple hits during an on-line session (esp. if from the same source), they're onto you and won't stop 'till they get ya.  GO OFFLINE!  Go back online a few minutes later and most likely they'll have lost you and you'll be rid of the jerks, for a while.  …Unless you have a static IP number.  But if you own an IP#, this paragraph should be way old news to you.  (If it's new news to a static IP owner, W.C. Fields would advise, "…take the bull by the tail and face the situation.")  Don't let your lack of knowledge make you part of future denial-of-service attacks or worse.

     Another NOTE: these days we have VPNs (virtual private networks) that hide our IP addresses. There are even free VPNs available. However, they can be a mixed blessing. I believe some systems require a valid IP number &/or remember your number FOR security reasons. Hello, do you want your bank transferring your money when the IP shown as "you" is invalid or impossible?  It galls me that my telephone tells me a call coming in is from an "Invalid Number", but the call is put thru none-the-less.  I mean, REALLY?!

#3 SPYWARE: your link to theft-land.  Trojan Horse exploits are stealth programs that surreptitiously upload your personal info to others. I also lump in this category any software that comes pre-configured to regularly download "upgrades" it  wants implanted on my system.  Invariably these upgrades "check for installed components" (such as? I'd like to know).  If I can't disable that automatic "convenience," then it's no different from true spyware which wants to regularly "update" my profile to who-knows-whom.  Anything that exposes your personal computer moments for others' pleasure should be considered spyware and is an invasion of privacy in my book.

     This is me, but I don't let software update itself whenever it wants to. "Live updates" punch my paranoia buttons. While connected, the updater can ogle my machine. I don't let just anybody do that.  My motto: never lose control no matter how gratifying the moment. And if you rely on the software updating itself, you're trusting that it's working. You don't think there's vile-ware out there specifically designed to disable anti-virus auto-updates? Update yourself and know you're updated.

#3.0  BOLDLY GOING IN where you've never gone before.  And then out and then in and then...  I don't know how you got onto the internet (to get the programs and patches recommended above) if you didn't have an "internet browser."  Therefore, we take it as given you have one.  It makes a big difference to your computer's health which one you're having.  	The overwhelming majority of people surf with Internet Explorer (I.E.) because Microsoft includes it with all their software.  The company also makes it relatively difficult to avoid using I.E.  Not only that, all Microsoft CDs seem to automatically (re)install Explorer onto your machine whether you want it or not.  Because of I.E.'s omnipresence if no other, Explorer is likely the most vulnerable browser to cyber-attack and defeat.  The baddies maximize their success at being bad by concentrating on the top used web-ware.
	Conversely, it appears the nefarious invest much less time exploiting security flaws in web browsers such as Opera, Mozilla / FireFox, Tor, Brave, etc. There are many geeks who believe these non-Microsoft products are better software and safer to use.  Fortunately, you can download any of these "safer" browsers for free from the internet.  Unfortunately, many webpages are custom built to only work properly on I.E. (talk about self-limiting).
	No internet browser is perfect.  No browser is 100% secure. No two web browsers display every webpage the same.  I do not use I.E.  I mostly use FireFox from www.mozilla.org   I am not telling you which software is right for you. I sez, "Do as I do, not as I say." I don't assume one browser fits all.

#3.1415926...  INFINITE WINDOWS!!  If you "accidentally" hit a [pornish*] website that starts opening an infinite number of windows no matter how fast nor how often you try closing them:
     1)  raise shields (lock Firewall), turn your modem off, disconnect your connection if need be!
     2)  hold down the CTRL key while clicking the close window [X] Button on the surface-most window.  That might close them all.  If not, because you've done #1 above (right?) at least you've stopped new windows from downloading while you close those imposed upon you so far.
     3) close your web-browser.
     4)  empty your Cache, clear cookies &/or web-browser's history files to make sure no active agents are left lurking about.
     5) Run an virus scan!
     6…)  Similarly, some sites won't let go of your ears no matter how certain you are you know what you're doing.  These are sites where, clicking the Back-arrow Button does not take you to the previous page.  You keep getting jerked back to where you are and don't wanna be. To get away from such pages, some browsers offer a History Menu that drops down a list of previously seen webpages.  To escape, select a page site prior to the current one.  If no other pages are listed, you've either opened a new browser window (close it) or you're screwed. Close your browser and restart with a new surf session.
 *pornish: in my view, any site that opens popups or advertising windows on my screen is an obscenity.

#4 QUIT BANNER CLICKING:
     "Click the monkey and win!"  --NEVER!
     "Your browser [computer, modem…] is not properly configured!"  --YES IT IS!
     "There is a message waiting for you!"  --NOT EVEN!
     CLICK HERE!   CLICK HERE!   CLICK HERE!  --no no NO!
Whatever the banner (message, pop-up, warning, alert…) says, it's probably a lie.  Do not click it or you may be sorry.  You did not win a contest you never entered.  Ignore such come-ons.  Be twice as ignoring if you're promised free stuff.  If nothing else, the banner's an advertisement taking you to yet more advertising.  More likely it's an instant link to privacy invasion. What may appear to be a normal popup, popunder, or other ad could install software onto your machine if you click it.  And I mean click it anywhere.  Just because the window has a small [X] in the upper right hand corner DOES NOT mean that's a close button!  The ad is a graphic—a sticky gui one.  Warning: even moving the mouse across an ad can infect you these days--so don't try this, or do at your own risk.
     Getting infected by moving the mouse across the screen has come to be known as "drive-by-download."  If the software even bothers to ask your permission to self-install, it may claim to be an upgrade, enhancement, or free [whatever].  Think thrice before clicking go4it.  Run a search on the product claim or name.  You can always return and download it later if it's a for-real good deal.

#5 Email &/or Internet FREEBIES COST YA  If it's too free to be true, don't buy it.  No company on this planet is going to give a dollar to charity for every email sent them in support of their generous offer.  It's a scam.  It's akin to a pyramid scheme.  No company can afford to send you (and every other "netizen") a pound of chocolate if you take the time to answer a questionnaire on their webpage.  There ain't that much cocoa on the planet! They only want your email address or profile out of gratitude for which they will say, "Spam-you very much!"
     Here's a deal: "Get your FREE SCREEN SAVERS HERE!  Download and install this heart-warming valentine.  You'll love the way [the icons melt from your screen, never to be seen again.]"  The joke is, as viruses go, the one so advertised on the internet actually didn't destroy computers (as I suggest in my fake ad).  But the "valentin.scr" virus did sucker a lot of people into downloading and installing it with just such a pitch.  THINK, why is the software free?  What's in it for the creator to give it away?  Is it open source code? Or might it be a holiday whore hoping to infect your home?  Just say no way to free screen savers.  Too many are bogus Trojan horses and worse.  WARNING SIGN:  file names ending .SCR  are programs.  Don't open them. Don't open any file before scanning it for infection.
     A final concession to your superior wisdom: If you're absolutely convinced "This offer's for real!"  You do it!  Then, if you do, in fact, get snailmailed that promised $100 coupon (redeemable in Tierra del Fuego), then and only thereafter consider forwarding the real-deal to your friends and me.  Having considered—do not!!!  I am unworthy.

#6 FREE IDentity Theft  Dissatisfaction guaranteed!  You're not that stupid.  Yet I know I have to join the chorus warning: do not give out your credit card number, bank account number, social security number…  to any website you aren't 1000% certain is legit.  Since 1000% percent is impossible...
	Note: Legitimate businesses exist as more than a website.  They have earthly addresses [which is not a POBox in Liberia].  They have working phone numbers and generally the same corporate name as domain name.  Double check that all these conditions check-out. If there is no "CONTACT US" info, it's because they're avoiding being found.
	Past Example:  [The following misdirection has been defeated since drafting this document. Consider the principle true, if in an out-of-date example.]  Sure you typed "www.travelosity.com" into the browser.  But look closely, not at the cheap airline ticket ad, rather at the URL address.  Back when I first drafted this doc, the above address didn't take one to: travelocity.  A sneaky company used it to redirect people hoping to snatch careless online shoppers (or typists) by sending them to a look-alike site (e.g. "superinternetdeals.com").  Happens all the time.  [Or at least did until traveloCity's attorneys found out and put an end to it.]  This scam is often related to "phishing."
     An additional warning on web offers.  Never give your credit card number to any website "for a free, no obligation trial."  Free gifts with that string attached can tie your credit up for months!!  Free doesn't require collateral.
	A final admonition: if you get email asking for any personal information "to protect you" or "to catch a crook" or "to correct our records" or WHATEVER, do not reply.  Your bank, credit card company, financial services... will NOT email asking for info they already have.  Call the alleged source (from the phonebook number) if you don't believe me.  Besides, how did your bank get your email address if you didn't give it to them? There is no universal email directory. [And you should be able to guess by now, I never give out my email address, least of all to corporations.]
     And Microsoft is NOT checking your security. The company did NOT find a problem they want to help you fix. And the more insistent the message, the more forcefully it urges you to act NOW, the more obvious it should be that they're trying to scare you into doing something you shouldn't. It's a fraud.

#7 COOKIES: they're monsters.  I don't allow them on my machine, period.  Accept them at your own risk.  Much of what Ad-Aware & SpyBot finds spying on you may have arrived under the guise of being a cookie.  "What are cookies supposed to be?" you ask.  "Tracking tags," answer I.  Tag, you're it!
	However, some (legitimate) companies will not allow you to use their site unless you accept cookies (and/or activate Java script). I don't accept cookies. But then I don't do business over the web, either.  I'm arrogant enough to believe they're the losers--not me.  As long as people allow cookie profiling, the cybersnoops are going to try to force us to accept them.
     You might feel differently (about whatever in the above/below paragraphs).  Let your paranoia be your guide. But in any case I urge you: CLEAN OUT YOUR COOKIES, if not daily, at least yearly.  The more cookies you have, the slower your machine may run. I recently came across a machine that had over 20,000 on it!  Can you imagine the amount of surfing data that computer offered every nosey website!?  I told the owner (who'd begged my assistance fixing his sluggish, unstable machine) the cookies have to go.  He said he needed many of them to get into his favorite websites.    That's when I had to give him the tech equivalent of Tough Love, "then it's you're problem to sort and delete them. Call me when you're done."  He never called again.
     The same holds true for internet temp files, cache files, and similar logs.  (And kids, don't forget to empty the recycle bin, otherwise your parents can still review what you've been leering at.)

Exceptions to my rules:  On occasion I have to violate my exclusionary policies and temporarily enable cookies/java, e.g. updating my antivirus requires java script; managing my internet accounts requires a cookie be set for the few minutes it takes to get in and out of my records.  After the work's done, I kill the cookies and restore my defaults.
	Advanced users may want to empty, then apply these configurations:
		1)  set your browser's cookie setting to store cookies only for the duration of the current session.
		       That deletes all cookies when the browser closes (session ends).
		2)  set cookie settings to accept only those from the originating site, not all sites or "third party".
		3)  if very advanced and paranoid [and NOT using Windows XP]
		       set  C:\Windows\Cookies\INDEX.DAT file to Read Only.
		       It's a tricky process because Windows fights like hell against the setting.  It must be done in DOS.
		       I do not promise this accomplishes much—but it makes me feel safer.  Experiment at your own risk.

#8 YOU'RE SAFE WITH US—but no promises
	Whatever it is, if the website asks for information about you, look for a "Privacy Statement" before putting out.  If there ain't one—get out.  If there is one, CHECK IT OUT.  Privacy policies are often a testament to doublespeak.  Here's the first one I sampled when composing this section:
"…We do not sell, trade, or rent your personal information to others, except occasionally to pre-approved [corporate] Affiliates. We may in the future decide to sell, trade, or rent your personal information to select third parties,…"
So you see what they promise?  They promise occasionally now and without notice in the future to sell, trade, rent… your info to "Affiliates" and others.  There's a privacy plan from spamland.  Still, they were honest enough to bury the paragraph among their pages-n-pages of legal gobbledygook.  Many sites don't even bother to promise not to promise, let alone put it in layperson's terms.

#9 We only want a little INFORMATION  Miranda? Riiiight.
Many too many websites want information about you.  Some ask nicely, "Please sign our guest book."  Others are sneaky, "Sign-up for a chance to win!"  Many demand you enroll before you can access the information they claim to have for FREE! (members only). "Fill out this form to get your password [or this as far as you get]."
LIE!	 I urge you to lie like a dog.  Lie freely, lie enthusiastically, lie impudently!

	I remind you, you have the right to remain silent.  Anything  you type can be spread around the net about you.
	My policy is, if it's voluntary, I never volunteer.
	My next policy is never to enter supposed contests.  As a mathematician assured me, "Buying a Lottery ticket does not significantly increase the odds of winning."  Entering a contest that has no supervision (unlike the Lottery) means there's no guarantee anyone will ever get a prize... except the spammers behind the website.
	And again, my rule of last resort is I lie.  I have yet to see any form that makes me swear an oath to tell nothing but the truth.  Therefore, when I must provide information about myself to access the site I need, I falsify everything possible.  They think they have the right to ask.  I know I have the right to screw-up the answers.  Maybe I mistyped?  Oops, sorry.
	Some tech sites require an email address to which they will send the "registration key" that unlocks their FREE! software.  Never give them your home (e)address!  Create a throw-away drop-box for that sort of thing.  Use an online free-mail service to retrieve the key and then forget you ever opened the account.  Screw 'em.  Screw 'em all because opening a free email account will require you fibbing to that website as well.
     Also, some sites insist upon you providing an email address, but many aren't even smart enough to trap for fakes. That is, they're coded to accept anything typed in the box, e.g. NotMe@user.fak. If you're lucky you'll get away with it.

	You may find lying a very liberating experience.  Liar, liar, web's on fire.  Keep the truth for matters higher.

Which brings to mind the LIE, "click here to unsubscribe."  But stripping away that thong of scammer decency will have to wait till next chapter.

#10 Maybe you're just a little curious  Let's talk dirty secrets.
     You hear it all the time now. "I was googling…" or "I'll google that." or "That's what google's for." You may have done; you might want to; you probably will, because the search engine has made it's name synonymous with web searching. And they give it to you for free! Still, something's keeping them in business. Most likely they're peddling your asks for profit.

     First off: google is NOT your only option. There are alternatives, some of which vow they don't keep track of what you research. I currently hope duckduckgo.com makes good on their promise of fidelity. Wikipedia offers quite a list of additional alternatives. Try a few on for size.

     Consider this. You're a budding author with a penchant for murder. You've got some great plot ideas, but need details to flesh-it-out. Let's search.  What's an undetectable poison? How do I print a plastic gun that can sneak thru security? What bits might be used to make a bomb?  [Why is their a police swat team breaking down my front door?]

     For that matter, maybe you saw a commercial on television that strikes you as B.S. Is that really true about [prostate] [breast] [cervical] [rectal] cancer? Let's find out. Except…., do you want those searches stored about you? Not that you'd use your work computer for personal purposes, but say you happened to take a moment during lunch, and perhaps the company has a filter watching for words like breast/prostate/penis/vagina that might imply an employee needs a time-out with Personnel. Similarly, would you like your health insurance company wondering why you spent so much time looking into cancers, or Alzheimer's, or seizures, or STDs?

Lawyer: "I remind you, you are under oath. Are you now or have you ever been a researcher into the Communist Party?"

     I have "duckduckgo-ed" a whole lotta ridiculous stuff I wouldn't want generally associated with me. Most of it for completely innocent reasons. Honest! As for guilty reasons, many might look even worse if previous (long forgotten) googles seem to suggest patterns. I figure any search engine that stores your queries in a file considers you guilty of those questions. Like proving a negative, it's impossible to prove innocence when they have so much dirt on you.

In summary:

Safe WebSurfing is like SafeSexing without CUSeeMe.  Remember:
	
A)  Do whatever you want on your side of the Firewall; just be sure others aren't spying thru holes in the cyber curtain.  Configure your Firewall to make it hard on yourself, at least you'll take pleasure knowing that hacker-voyeurs may keep coming back for more, but you're not putting out.

B)  Do not open, let alone install, anything on your computer that you haven't virus tested. Size it up before opening and inserting. And no matter how important it is to the software provider, do not allow just any old executable to automatically "up-grade" you.  Stay in control.  If your current version ain't broke—don't jinx it.
	Do download anti-virus updates and install them yourself--weekly!
	Do a full system scan for viruses at least once a week.
	Do run "SpyBot Search & Destroy" and "Ad-Aware" updates weekly.  If updates are available--get them.  After updating, scan your computer.

C)  If worse comes to worst, best it.  If you get a virus, decontaminate BEFORE warning friends with whom you've recently shared computer fluids (files, email).  I mean, like, come-on?!  If you CC everyone "I got a virus!" with the virus still active, you're acting like a Typhoid Mary or Viral Vern.  You think someone didn't do that to me once?  I don't make this stuff up.  I'm just not that creative.

Next I'll focus on all the wonderful horrible things email can do to a yahoo.  You may be surprised how hot mail can be, juno what I mean?

IMHO  [net acronym: In My Humble Opinion]

========================================================================================
last updated January 2021

Condoms for Connectivity
Rain, Snow, Sleet, Hail…
They're nuthin' compared to what you can get with email

	This article is a clue.  I hope readers get it before given it by "an anonymous friend."  I've had an anomalous friend or two tell me to wise-up.  Which is why I wrote this; not to get back, but rather to help others avoid getting told off.

     There are many parallels between sex and internet risks (and, fortunately for this writer, there's a general interest in one of those topics).  Perhaps by invoking sexuality, those who need to read this will.  Geeks have an elevated responsibility to help those less experienced catch up (in computing).  We cannot take a "not-my-problem" attitude.  Nor should we assume the uninformed know that they don't know what they're doing.  We must never ass-u-me that another's ignorance won't bite us in the butt (or hardware).  In geek terms, ignorance translates into techhead-aches:
"What do you mean you never updated your anti-virus since you bought the computer?!"
"You're kidding me?  You opened the attachment because the email came from a friend?!"
"No you do not click 'remove me' in spam.  What are you, crazy?!"
"Who told you to do that?!"  --  Nobody.
That's often the problem.  The user either guessed ("What could it hurt?"), or heard about it somewhere (consider the source), or thought Trixie Galour sounded like someone worth getting to know (just this once).

	I've previously reviewed some ways in which internet diddling can get you in trouble.  This go I suggest how email is just as fertile a source of screw-ups as the world wide (en)web.

Part Two:  Email and the Facts of eLife

#1 Stop Email Viruses: use protection!  Sexually transmitted diseases aren't spread unless somebody does something with somebody.  Email spread viruses are the same, except… recipients need not participate to pick-up something.  Have your email automatically scanned for bugs as it downloads--before you ever see it!  Why wait for a virus to ask, "Want some?"  Have your anti-virus test your partners before you meet them.  Always be careful with e-intercourse.  Email viruses succeed thru inattentiveness [often Microsoft's, but still…].  Spammers know it and love you for it.

	An infection may be asymptomatic for a long while; but that doesn't mean it hasn't installed itself securely on your machine, copied itself to all your email address book recipients, and/or started a time-bomb ticking.  Like breast exams, regular self-examinations are essential.  I have my anti-virus set to scrutinize EVERY file, no matter what type.  That's slow, but so?  The bad guys have already found ways to infect JPGs (fotos).  I'm not trustin' nothin' anymore.

	If you're ever asked (on-screen) for permission to install software or "upgrades" that you didn't seek out yourself, say "Hell No!"  Even if you think you really need the attached, allegedly nudie screensaver sent you by "XXXena in Bulgaria," you're wrong!  You don't.  But now that you've received it….

	Stop!  Sure your anti-virus was spozed to have scanned it downloading, but you should scan it again with an up-to-date anti-virus program before running it.  No peeking!!  Some versions of email offer to "preview" email automatically. Hello?!  preViewed is opened.  That's a major security flaw.  So keep those security patches up-to-date, as well.  Anyway, just because you think your anti-virusware is playing safe, doesn't mean protection is your partner's worry.  Take an active hand.

	I understand putting an impossible email address at the head of your address book might, maaaaaybe, prevent a virus from duplicating/sending itself from your machine to your significantly emailed others' inboxes.  I use this one:

	%>*^&(/)@.###  [note period between @ and #]

I've tested that bogus address both as a primary, CC, and BCC recipient and it crashes the outgoing mail every time.  That's a good thing!  Hopefully, nothing gets sent!  Besides, that address looks like the appropriate response to a virus, don't you think?  [Usage note: for the most part I'll use the term "virus" to include worms, Trojan Horses, bugs, malware, and self-replicating codes of whatever ilk.]

#2 SPAM: DELETE IT!  Beat the no-meat!  Think!  "Ethical Spammer" is an oxymoron, sorta like modesty thong.  Honest people do not fill your email in-box with unsolicited solicitations. Dishonest people will not honor your request to opt-out. Just curse your favorite cussword; update your spam filter; and delete the offensive come-on.

	If sometimes seems suspicious I go off-line before opening email.  That's how paranoid I've become of spamwhores.  As if all this #2 stuff doesn't stink enough, spam can come with embedded, rollover, and active code.  If you're on-line when you smell it, you've already stepped in it.

	DO NOT click "unsubscribe" or "remove."  DO NOT send a message to have your name "taken off the list" because if you do, YOU ONLY PROVE THEY'VE FOUND A REAL E-ADDRESS of a conscientious person who carefully reads spam. That guarantees they'll serenade you with "SPAM spam spam spam..., SPAM spam spam spam..." evermore.
     But wait!  There's more!  Because you acted,  now we're selling your address to every other spamster on the planet!
     But wait!  There's more more!  Many spam mailers key their message to report back to them when their junk-mail is opened--responded to or not!  It's as bad as "unsubscribing."  To foil this ploy you must disallow your email from notifying senders of "opening," "confirmed reading," or returning a "receipt."  These settings are called different things by different email software; but the configurations are generally found under "options," "preferences," "settings," or "setup."  [Like I said, the setting may exist somewhere called something obvious or obscure. Learn how to control yourself and software.]

	If asked, "Do you want to return receipts?" click NEVER!  Pegasus email controls this via the Tools/Options/Advanced Settings submenu.
	Outlook considers this a "tracking option" under Tools/Options/Preferences/E-mail Options.
	As for Eudora, dunno for sure.  That might be what Eudora means by ”Include outdated Return-Receipt-To' under Tools/Options/Miscellaneous.  [But like "outdated"?? Who writes this jargon?]
	FireFox (from Mozilla.org) controls receipts in Tools/Options/Advanced/Return Receipt.
	If you're using a "free email service" such as Juno, or an interventionist thingie like AOL (I have no idea exactly how to categorize AOL without getting sued), you may have little real choice in these matters, no matter how you try to personalize your settings.  You got what you bought or didn't pay for.

#3 EMAIL FORWARDING: Hiding from an ex? Leave no backward forwarding addresses.  Before you forward, if you must forward email, pa-LEEZ go back and remove previous recipient's names!  When you click "send" without taking a few seconds to delete all the hundreds of recipients that already got the (vital, spiritually uplifting, chain-email joke), you cavalierly spread each of those people's email addresses across the cyberverse. Wonder how you got on some stranger's/spammer's mailing list? This is one way it happens.  Don't be forward with other's info (let alone mine).

#4 EMAIL CC stands for others Can See  You've got email and you're still Carbon Copying?!  "Cyber Copying" means everyone copied sees everyone else's address.  There's nothing cipher about it.  "Blind Cyber Copy" (BCC) means the recipient sees only your address as sender and theirs as recipient (and perhaps the primary email recipient--results may vary). Even among a group of friends, CC always risks #3 above at the next recipient level. Besides, it's not going to help you score if everyone sees you're sending form love letters en masse hoping at least one person is willing tonight.

#5 Send this (scary warning) to EVERYONE, everywhere, NOW & forever!  I GUARANTEE, the email that starts out demanding you spread this message to EVERYONE on the internet now now NOW, is a hoax hoax HOAX!  However, on the very, very VERY remote chance that (for the first time in Internet history) the warning is accurate, take a couple seconds to check it out against the myth-lists at such sites as www.snopes.com or just duckduckgo.com research it.

	If the frantic alert is about a specific virus attack, go to any anti-virus site and search on the alleged bug's name or characteristic (e.g. "virus comes thru power lines!!!").  One of the most common sources of these mass panic attempts is juvenile minded jerks who get their jollies by starting pseudo-virus, geometrically spreading, spam attacks.  Such mentally masturbating cretins should go back to leering at Abercrombie&Fitch dot com and keep their free hand off the (computer's) joystick.

	When you propagate one of these mass messages, you join the do-baders' fifth column.  Worse, if you have a pre-existing Trojan Horse virus (as in you just got it along with the bogus warning), you're now sending it to all your acquaintances.  And consider: even tho an e-letter offers an enticing deal, you might be abetting internet fraud by exposing people (less savvy than you) to get-rich-quick schemes.  At very least you may be causing me to sort thru ever increasing come-ons ["Earn mega-wealth via pyramids!"], saccharine testimonials ["Faith in God and half a gallon of fertility hormones finally gave us octuplets!"], and lucky chain email ["If you want to have a nice day, copy this to every person on the planet or break this chain and die you scum!"].

	While on the topic of death, no DyingChild@play-upon-your-sympathies.scam wants 100,000,…,000 eCards to make it into the Guinness Book of World Records. Fugedaboutit!  Don't copy all your friends to join the effort.  If there is a kid out there who wants that, spare her/his getting what (s)he carelessly wishes for.  At least spare the kid's email host.

	In my Book-of-the-Wished-Dead, the worst of these assaults are the one's that not only call for you to spread the alert, but direct you to check for and delete an alleged virus file on your computer.  Of course you'll find the filename; it's a system file!  It makes your machine run!  So are you also going to throw your computer off a roof because I told you to? You don't know me.  [Actually, there have been times I've considered instructing an acquaintance to take the destructive action as a satisfying solution to an operator caused disaster, e.g. removing system files.  Some people shouldn't have kids and some shouldn't have computers.  Alas, it's not for me to say which are which… unless asked.]

#6 GEOMTERIC EMAIL PETITIONS: no-one wants it that often.  Be realistic. Do you really think politicians (or the current White House resident) reads such stuff?  The only response you'll ever get back from WhiteHouse.gov will be computer generated.  To wit:
The WhiteHouse mail server got your email. This automatic response is necessary due to the hundreds of thousands of electronic messages sent here daily.  This is the most efficient way to ignore you.
And that's probably not a lie… that they get zillions of messages a day.  No staff can read that much [hate] mail; they couldn't even tally the sentiments (for or against) an issue if they wanted to.  Like I said, if they wanted to.

     You got hot, so you jumped right in?  STOP!  Slow down!  Check where that petition goes before sending it in.  If it goes to some central clearing house--you've just signed up for spam, be it political in nature or not.  If it goes directly to the targeted official, fine, but… Politicians are not as dumb as they vote. If the petition says, "Add your name to the bottom and send this to 10 friends…" Do the math! 10 times 10 times 10… and the petition's target will get thousands of copies of the same names. Like duh? That's not a valid petition.

     If you truly care about an issue, ignore the ePetition. Write a terse snailmail letter directly to the person(s) involved.  It's doubtful secretaries [the people you're actually communicating with] have time to do more than count you into the FOR or AGAINST mailbags.  So get to the point and shut up!

	A professional lobbyist told me (so you're not taking a nerd's word for it), "E-petitions are a waste of time; emailings don't count; pre-printed postcards hardly matter because they're orchestrated; but a written letter still gets read—a phone caller listened to.  One letter still counts as 100 constituents speaking."  Therefore, should you feel the urge to spread the word, ask others to physically write or telephone the target just as you've done, one-on-one.
	PS: Keep it short.

#7 EMAIL BY PROXY: someone's loving you, but not whom you think.  Don't do this to me (whatever it is I'm ranting on about now).  If the internet site offers to "save you time" by letting you enter a person's email address to "send this page to a friend," you've just guaranteed your (former) friend loads of fun-free spam. Don't proxy email!  Not ever never ever. The bad guys only want to capture more names and valid e-addresses. If you want someone to read an important webpage, copy the page's address; paste it into a letter; and send it yourself. (The personal touch means so much.)

     Doubly likewise, do not send me (or others) electronic Greeting Cards.  Ask yourself, "Self? Why has this company spent so much money providing the world this free service?"  If you have an insightful little voice in your head, it will answer, "Because they're getting something out of it."  And if you have a bevy of critical voices in your head, at least one of them is going to warn, "This must be a scam."  And another will agree, "That's right--and this ain't the only company that wants us sending ecards."  And then that really annoying voice is going to butt in with... "When you start getting spam--told ya so!"

	I appreciate the sentiment you want me to get a card--not your donating my email address.  Just type THINKING OF YOU in the Subject line of your direct2me eLetter, and don't worry the lack of grafix, animation, or music.  Your text thought makes my day.  Moreover, I'll know you thought of me for two full seconds: 1 second the sentiment I'm worth, and the 2nd second lovingly not posting my home eAddress for others' spamming convenience.  See how easy I am to please?  Nothing makes me happier than no email from unknowns.  [FYI: I never access eCards awaiting my retrieval.  So you're wasting your time.  I cling to a hope that the source-site will void my e-address when the card's left unviewed. Please relegate my address to your dead letter file folder.]

#747 EMAIL ENABLER: mile high pie in the sky club.  Online "votes" and "surveys" are neither, let alone statistically significant.  To participate you volunteer your IP address &/or email address (welcoming spam).  You might end up on a list which stores your opinions with your address in a database--whose database?  [Have I mentioned I'm paranoid?.]  Anyway, for the most part, you fool yourself when participating in these things.  Your opinion hasn't counted when the counter is not worth counting.  CNN may flash the numbers on the screen; but as far as social scientists are concerned, the flasher is under-endowed for the task.
	LISTEN to (as in "read") the fine print:  "…this non-scientific survey…"  means results are BOGUS, meaningless, fluff and anecdotal stuff that should be ignored--not fretted over.  EVEN IF a completely random sample of internet users voted on an issue (e.g. "Should condoms be taxed like alcohol and tobacco?"), the results would ONLY represent internet users--NOT all condom buyers let alone taxpayers.  By participating all you do is inflate the numbers, make the results appear to be more important than they are. Besides, how do we know "They" are telling the truth about the results? Who are They?  Why are They doing this?  Are They one of us or one of Them?  Who knows?!

	A final word:  please don't forward requests to participate in online votes/surveys.  By the time you pass it on to me (having gotten it from …who got it from…), the event's likely long past.  One time I got an URGET NOTICE to vote online to stop the [blahblahblah] before the end of the week!  I just knew that week must have ended long ago.  So I checked. Imagine my fantastically smug satisfaction when I proved my suspicion correct.  It was nearly a year out of date. [Bet the urgent plea is still spreading around the net, too.]

	Doh!  I'm proven wrong again and I freely admit it.  A while back there was an on-line survey conducted by a Christian conservative group which sought to establish a statistic against same-sex unions.
	An online campaign was mounted to bring out the vote against the against camp.  I refused to participate, as you might guess from above.  However, some weeks later the friend that urged me to vote brought the results to my attention. Miracle of miracles ["Neener neener!"], the Christian website listed the results were about 2:1 for Gay Marriage.
	I was stunned they posted it.  But I was gratified to see them use the results to prove why Christian activists have a duty to make sure the satanic forces are stopped before imposing homosexuality upon the righteous. No surprise there.  Statistics will always justify your ends if your question is meaningless to start: "Should activist judges be allowed to overrule The Bible and force Christians into homosexual marriages?" [and stop beating their spouses?]

#8 SNEAK MAIL: Who wants you?  Speaking of  xkeu5xzm=-u=--=c-=u_=fjc@1BornEveryMinute.bg,
remember #2 above:  opening a letter can notify the spammer they have a wiener:
	If you get an eLetter from a person with a name that is anything but a human's name--you have a choice: intercourse out of your species or not.  [Yes, spammers are not human.]
	I hope you noticed the after @ of that address up there.  Many spam sources are that in your face, actually using domain names that scoff at your gullibility, e.g. 1stopgotcha, 4kitover, aggressorsquad, quackquack, bouceyourbutt  [note: any return address containing 'bounce' is nearly spam assured--children's Bounce House operators not withstanding.]

	If an eMessage arrives from an unfamiliar lastnameless source such as "Bob" or "Mary" or very suspect "Sensuala," don't get familiar with it.  Especially don't if the subject line is blank "[no subject]" or as terse as "Hi", "hello", "hey", or leading such as "you're hot", "help", "miss you", "Important Notice!", or "Check this out!"  [And for Cyber-sake never send email using any of those subject lines!]
	Here's yet another variation on that scam:  From: ssmith@yahoo.com   Re: Important message from SSmith  Could it be any more machine generated?
	Which leads me to ask that when you personally send someone email, please personalize it.  Nothing says this-is-spam more than a 1or2 word generic subject line, unless the word is "Viagra."  (By the by, if you're sending me email with subject: "missed ya," I've been dropping your messages in the trash unopened.  Very glad to miss you, too.)
	A similarly suspect subject warns that "your account (receipt, billing, delivery, shipment, claim, appointment, record, prescription...) number #9867634 / #-any / no-#,  is about to expire, may expire, has expired, ...."
NOT.  Think: not; act: not; open: not; the number's not.
	If you have no outstanding transaction that was being managed via email, you didn't suddenly get one as a Gift from the Netserver God.  If you've never given your bank (broker, landlord, Dr., pharmacist, accountant...) your email address, they didn't look it up from the phonebook.  [Accurate email addresses are virtually impossible to find via the internet.  Go ahead, try finding yours.]
	And another warning you can bank on, you're account at NotMyBank is not about to close if you don't respond to the email from NotMyBrokerage at NotMyMortgage company.  Me? I don't have an account with CitiBank.  But "CityBank" sure sends me a lot of warnings that my "Account will be Confiscated!"  No doubt this is a phishing spam.  And even if I did get emailed an "Emergency Security" warning from That'sMyBank--it's not.  I'm writing again; it doesn't have my email address and if they ask for it, I won't let them have it.

	If you get a message in your inbox: "returned undeliverable" or "undeliverable message" or anything that implies this email has been sent back to you because it failed to reach its destination: DOUBT IT.  This too can be a spam scam.
Ask yourself, have I sent any email in the last 36 hours?  If not, it's a lie.  Delete it.  An undeliverable message will bounce thru cyber post-offices approximately 24 to 36 hours before returning, if ever.  Generally an hour is the time allotted for delivery.  
	Ask yourself, have I sent any email today that used a new or different address than I've used previously?  If not, kill it. It's not a bounce-back, it's a sneak attack.  People usually update their friends of pending address changes before they move.
	Hey!  Ask yourself, "Do I care?" If you're not worried that someone you emailed might not have gotten one particular message.... Must I tell you everything to do?....  "Trash it." 

A quick summary of spam clues to watch out for: bogusness.   Bogus sender name, bogus source address, bogus subject, bogus bank, bogus returned letter, and what I shouldn't need to point out--bogus sex solicitation.
Subject: hot horny hookups!
What?  At my age?  Could only come from a pervert.   Not my type.

#9 GEEK MAIL: try an advanced position.  This may be technically challenging for some, but deleting unread messages at the source [your internet provider] before downloading them drastically reduces the risk of getting active-spam from strangers [Don't know 'em?  Delete 'em!], as well as viral attachments [Bye-bye Bulgarian bad- boys/girls!]  Moreover, no message goes back to the source saying the mail was successfully delivered & opened--it wasn't. 

((An apology: I have absolutely nothing against Bulgarians.  Rather, I'm astounded that a large portion of the crap I see with a dot-BG extension, which is probably as fake an originating address as all those Liberian princess needing my help moving money  ...or perhaps not.))

Pay attention to extensions--the stuff following the dot.  Be cautious.  There are new file types [extensions] created daily.  If  MissKansas2007@prairie.cz  sends you a personal greeting "Hi!" you might wonder why she's emailing via Czech Republic.  It's not for the quality of their grasslands.  If you don't know someone in Japan (JP), Tanzania (TZ), or Russia (RU), don't trust @yahoo.jp or aol.tz or hotmail.ru

Back in the day WhiteHouse.COM was a notorious porn site. You might have reason to look at WhiteHouse.GOV, but you may not want what's at WhiteHouse.ORG.

NOTE:  .CA is NOT California.  It is Canada.  However, an official state web address could end .ca.gov, e.g. http://gov.ca.gov/   The Governator might use Arnold@gov.ca.gov to send you something.  But why would he write you personally?

Chicken or Egg / Spam! or ¿Spam?  A summary.

You get spam because you have email.  It's a fact of life.  I've opened an email account to find it already spammed (with welcome spam from the provider and it's "Affiliates").  But unlike junk snailmail, email also exposes one to more dangerous bits--fertile things that can knock you out, if not up.  It's only a matter of time before that joyless little bundle arrives in the email.  I don't know which will come to you first (spam, spyware, or virus); but I do trust in the chicken theory: run scared.

A)  Pre-configure your up-to-date anti-virus software to automatically scan for bugs as email downloads.
[Once impregnated, self-abuse won't help.]

B)  Rescan attachments for viruses before opening, even if you think your anti-virusware was active when you got mail.  [Don't leave protection up to your partner.]

C)  Examine every email's, e-peition's, banner-ad's, pop-up's, link's,… source and destination. There are only two types of Internet actions: error-prone and in-error.  Just because a message came from a friend doesn’t guarantee it's friendly.  [Even a lover can screw you.]

D)  Just because you got it doesn't mean you have to give it to others let alone list with whom all you've had it.
[Don't join a chainmail orgy with strangers.]

E)  You DO NOT have to open email or attachments, least of all those from sources you don't know.  Drag and drop them straight (or gayly) to the trash.  If you don't know someone in Taiwan, you won't offend a friend at gmale.tw.
[Pretend the solicitation got lost in the mail.]

F)  New threats come along daily, some designed to screw with your anti-virus program. If something doesn't make sense, don't risk it; delete it (unopened).
[Condoms break; viruses evolve, vaccines wear off, judgment errors occur, double-check sources.]

IMHO